Ever feel you’re not connecting with someone in a business conversation? Wondered why?
There have been occasions in the past, during a discussion on business issues, when we seemed to be disconnected with someone we’d just met. Although not happening often, it was something we wanted to investigate and find out the potential cause/s (with Curiosity being one of our Values!). This is what we discovered.
The basis for our disconnection was assuming we were all at the same starting point – we weren’t. The easiest way to describe this is by using a 10 point scale, where 0 refers to negligible understanding and 10 being complete understanding.
We found we were starting a particular conversation at, say, “level 7” but the recipient was at “level 3”. (Note: this is not to say we were “smarter” than the recipient, just that the topic was one in which we had considerable expertise.) Consequently, there was no connection and a lack of rapport from the outset.
When we recognised this communication failing on our behalf, we realised that we needed to quickly determine where the recipient’s level of understanding was so that we could take them on their appropriate journey. We also learnt two additional aspects:
- Trying to connect at “level 2” when the recipient was at “level 3” saw us inadvertently come across as patronising
- Stages of understanding could not be skipped e.g. jumping from “level 3” to “level 6” also led to confusion and being disconnected
Although we had considered we were excellent communicators it turned out that, on occasions, we were simply good transmitters, which reinforced the fact that, irrespective of how well we believe we have described/discussed something, the success of the communication is solely based on how well it has been received.
So, that describes our problem….what did we do to find a solution?
- Firstly, and most importantly, we based our entire conversation around questions. At no stage would we assume we “knew” the problem until we had a level of certainty – and even at that stage, we framed our conclusion as a question (e.g. “So, does that mean that one of the key challenges you are facing is……?)
- Secondly, we became so invested in discussions that we took no notes. By becoming totally engrossed in the conversation, we found that we were able to record the conversation with remarkable clarity afterwards. Additionally, by not taking notes during the conversation, we were able to focus entirely on what was taking place and not be distracted.
- Finally, by being fully involved with the conversation, we found that not only were we connecting with the business issue, but we were also starting to form a strong relationship with the recipient. They felt they were being listened to, because they were!
This was our journey in connecting with others – we hope there are some aspects that may assist you in your business discussions.